Filed under: 1
I made time for a quick early morning run today and decided to turn it into an experiment. Being the ever-so-curious Journalist, I enjoy offering myself up as the guinea pig and take pleasure in reporting back my findings.
The goal for my 3 miles was to spend the entire time acutely cogniscent of everything I smelled, and to only focus on that specific sense. Lately I’d been contemplating my propensity to spin like a madwoman during the day, completing every task quickly and always reaching for the future. It didn’t feel good. If I forced myself to spend 3 miles ignoring my other 4 senses that usually bombarded me to the point of overstimulation, perhaps I would experience something new!
I started off delighted with the prospect of my mindful experiment, and inhaled deeply, struggling past my sniffly change-in-the-season allergies. It began with the smell of hard water, as I couldn’t help but notice our sprinklers had been running non-stop since yesterday afternoon. The smells changed to regular car exhaust and then a big whiff of diesel. It moved back to more hard water as I passed other lawns being irrigated, and frankly I like those smells. It reminds me of La Sierra where I grew up, and the constant groundskeepers who moved all the sprinkler systems around. The smell of hard water quickly turned to marijuana as I passed some apartments, then evolved into onions being cooked, most likely for breakfast, maybe with eggs I pondered?
As I turned the corner and ran between 2 hotels I smelled the daily breakfast buffet wafting between the two of them like a wonderful food tunnel. Curious I’d never noticed that before? I made my way unto the Campbell Trail and was hit with a smell from my youth that I simply associated with Northern California; it’s a sharp twinge on the nose, this mixture of shrubs and trees, and it smells fantastic! Then followed the overwhelming sweet smell of drying anise, a scent imprinted on my memory as a kid since we grew anise on our property when I was growing up in Southern California. I noticed all sorts of recollections that flooded in as I passed the anise.
Meeting a lady on the trail I picked up her strong perfume, and the aroma was quickly transformed into something I can only describe as a creek/nature smell full of trees, bushes, and water. The creek stench vacillated between anise, and then moved to a moldy odor reminiscent of my grandmother’s basement in Green Bay, WI.
Near the top of the hill I picked up on the reek of gasoline fumes and sewer pipes, intertwined with the faint hints of fast food grease. It must be the nearby Jack-in-the-Crack turning out its greasy breakfast bites.
At my turn-around I noticed how much fun I was having sniffing out the day and all it had to offer my nasal adventure, most likely appearing as an idiot to the few I passed on the trail, but truly not caring what I looked like!
I took a different trail back to maximize my experience, and picked up again on the reek of sewer, paired with the sharp scent of Eucalyptus, another favorite smell from my youth. This turned into the fragrance of potatoes and onions simmering on a stove somewhere nearby, carrying me back to the family potlucks I recalled, sampling many mysterious casseroles.
Breakfast evolved into cigarettes then became overpowered by a sickly sweet fruit lip-gloss scent. Perhaps air freshener trying to mask the cigarettes? This smell was so strong it covered up the fresh dog poo smell that I only noticed because I nearly stepped in it.
Back again wafted the nature/creek bouquet, anise, Eucalyptus smells… then whoa! Lady! Lay off the fabric softeners will ya?!
Heading back into Campbell Park I picked up on a favorite scent–the smell of landscapers cutting grass which reminded me of the golf course and the fact I hadn’t been golfing for a while.
The run back was less inspiring, perhaps because the weather warmed up or I was upwind. I picked up the overwhelming aroma of ‘end-of-the-summer’ and I focused on that, less the occasional diesel fuels that sputtered my way on the busy street.
Running into my condo complex, the last smell I recognized was a perfume wafting from someone’s open window and it was a perfume a high-school roommate used to wear, transporting me back to specific memories.
There are days when I go for a run and realized 7 or 8 miles later how far I’ve gone, completely lost in my alpha brain waves and not present for a moment of it. It shocks me! Have you ever driven to work and simply arrived, not knowing where the 30-60 minutes of commute lapsed?
I’m beginning to remind myself to focus on the moment and not become constantly wrapped up in the past or future. Right out of college I started studying Buddhism and one of the things I enjoyed practicing was going for ‘mindful’ walks, where I focused solely on the beauty of what surrounded me and the present moment. If I strayed to the past or future, (which happened often) I’d simply lead myself back to the ‘now’.
Life is made up of ‘now’ moments. The 3-mile journey through my nose this morning reminded me how alive the present is and how much is going on! Whether you want to try and smell your way through an experiment, or focus on a different sense, I suggest you try it and see what comes up for you.
While driving, I heard an interesting radio promotion where listeners called in to profess their adoration for that specific station, and what I heard them say made me sit back and think. They were all describing how listening to the radio’s program helped them ‘get through the day’.
“What is there to get through?” I thought. I was under the impression that every day was a gift, a joy to live, a chance to create something new! Were most people in the world just ‘getting’ through the day to live for their nights and weekends? What kind of existence was that?!
I began observing how most people are deeply dissatisfied with their lives, all the while I’ve been living like a kid in the candy store of opportunity. What was the difference between us?
We’ve all seen the movie Dead Poets Society and remember the scenes with Robbin Williams, inspiring his male pupils to make their lives extraordinary. “Carpe Diem! Seize the day. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may.” That film had a profound impact on me, as I watched it in grade school, nearly the same age as his students, and began pondering if I was sucking the marrow out of life.
“We are food for worms, lads” he says, suggesting that we have the same ultimate fate, all ending up in the same place–under the ground. But how we spend the time before we become worm food is the big mystery we must answer for ourselves.
“How will you spend your life?” I read this quote from the book, The Answer recently and I literally laughed outloud, put the book down and sat back and meditated on it. It was if the author had put that question in there just for me. I had long before deliberately chosen to live a life of amazing experiences, and the empowering answer to the question for all is, “We Choose…”
I had just hit a crossroads in life, and this statement literally helped me strip down naked to my authentic Self, shedding my cloak of ego that prevented me from committing. I had worried what the world would think of my “risky” decision and sat paralyzed at the crossroads. Then I realized whole-heartedly that the world cannot live my life for me, it is only I. And as the paths diverged in the woods of life-changing decisions, I took the road less traveled by, and it is beginning to make all the difference.
Thoreau said, “The masses of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” These are the people on the radio who are just ‘getting through their days’ which translate into years and soon an unremarkable lifetime. It is a risk NOT to choose the life you want to live and make every effort to keep actively choosing and living that. Nay, are we victims of some formulaic existence, following each other like lemmings over the cliff on autopilot.
I find most people have swallowed the ‘should’ pill that society, the church, and the media has nearly force fed since birth. Spit it out! I believe deep down there is an inner desire in everyone to get more out of life, to milk every single day for what it’s worth. And you can start nursing that desire by being gentle on yourself, and allowing those desires to course back through your veins.
Life is a smorgasbord of exhilarating experiences, people, and opportunities. If you are healthy and living in the USA, you especially have no excuses! Life is a choice, and if you are miserable you only have yourself to blame. Only YOU can live your life.
“I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life…to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” ~Henry David Thoreau
MORE THINGS:
At the end of 2008 I compiled a list of “101 Things To Do in 2009” and shared it with readers. This list ranged from large, exciting adventures, to learning new things, to small yet satisfying experiences. I’ve since then completed nearly two thirds of my list and have found it one of the most memorable tasks I’ve ever given myself. It has been so fun, I created a new list of “101 Things To Do” and I gave myself the deadline of: As Soon As Possible. What I don’t like about the traditional Bucket List, is we often wait until we are close to kicking the bucket before get off our butts and work on the list. Ladies and gents, I give you the new list!
1. Get decorative henna on hands, arms, legs and feet. Photograph.
2. Go on a cooking show.
3. Ride a camel in Northern Africa.
4. Buy underwater camera/use while Scuba Diving.
5. Hike to the Base Camp of Everest.
6. Get a 2nd Tattoo.
7. Own chickens, ducks and goats.
8. Cultivate my own hobby vineyard/bottle my own label of wine.
9. Learn and practice all world religions (short-term) for greater understanding.
10. Take a Class-5 rafting trip.
11. Try Para-surfing in the ocean.
12. Spent 1+ months somewhere foreign writing a book.
13. Conduct an orchestra.
14. Play the Accordion.
15. Go into Space.
16. Volunteer with doctors (to assist them) helping people in 3rd world countries.
17. Write & Publish 1 book. (Minimum)
18. Ride a Steamboat down the Mississippi River.
19. Base Jump.
20. Do the Palace on Wheels train tour through India.
21. Camp in Northern Africa, Bedouin-Style.
22. Heli-Snowboard.
23. Dogsled race/tour in Alaska.
24. Sail/ship across both Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.
25. Get my nose pierced. (Temporarily)
26. Retrace ancestry roots in England/Scotland.
27. Try the Trapeze.
28. Go for an Australian Walk-About experience.
29. Rock Climb in Joshua Tree.
30. Go on an African Safari.
31. Stay in a tepee/do a Native American spiritual adventure.
32. River Tour on the Amazon.
33. Visit all 7 Wonders of the world and 7 Underwater wonders of the world.
34. Develop my own film production company.
35. Appear as a guest on Oprah.
36. Start my own non-profit Foundation.
37. Caravan with Jose (and family/friends) throughout 48 States/Canada/Mexico in a Winnebago.
38. Launch my own private venture capital firm.
39. Learn to Tango in Argentina.
40. Go on a cattle drive at a Dude Ranch.
41. Shave my head.
42. Do a tree-planting mission.
43. Run international marathons.
44. Experience Chinese New Year in China.
45. Witness a live tornado.
46. Take a tap dancing class.
47. Do more international gourmet tours.
48. Save someone’s life.
49. Helicopter ride through the Grand Canyon/Colorado River.
50. Go to an Olympic Games.
51. Swim with dolphins.
52. Turn my photography into art and give as gifts.
53. Go on a mission trip to Africa with Nourish the Children Foundation.
54. Visit more used book stores and buy the gems.
55. Get involved with Lester Levinson’s story: indie film project.
56. Watch more IMAX films and musicals.
57. Start a book report journal.
58. Take my mom/sister on a tropical cruise.
59. Set up a donation/recycling program at home.
60. Learn how the stock market works.
61. Become fluent in 10 words in most major languages. Use often with people.
62. Collaborate on writing projects.
63. Go on a Dig.
64. Take a historical Tour of Washington DC and Boston.
65. Snowboard in South America.
66. Visit Turkey.
67. Take gourmet cooking/baking classes.
68. Go yachting.
69. Take a scenic train ride through the Rockies.
70. Take parents and in-laws on an exotic vacation.
71. Ride/Gallop a horse across open prairie and through a river.
72. Take several homeless people to a big meal. Talk. Listen.
73. Scuba Dive the Blue Hole in Belize.
74. Buy and get golf lessons with a Driver and 3-Wood.
75. Stay in an Indian Ashram. (Attempt a period of silence.)
76. Create my own personal explorer/adventure website.
77. Attend more symphonies, concerts, bands, etc.
78. Study world history and focus on certain empires and time periods.
79. Learn new words every week and use them.
80. Contact everyone I need to ask forgiveness of. Forgive.
81. Create the ‘Giving’ non-profit website.
82. Do more public speaking and writing.
83. Compete in an adventure race.
84. Buy a kick-ass road bike and learn to ride it properly.
85. Play in some interactive art studios.
86. Fly first class internationally somewhere.
87. Read Don Quixote.
88. Visit mosques, synagogues, cathedrals, shrines, etc.
89. Swim (safely) with sharks.
90. Do photo shoots of the full moon with beach, desert and mountain backdrops.
91. Bungee jump from a hot air balloon.
92. Hug many trees from various forests.
93. Meet the Dali Lama.
94. Experience foot treatment with fish that eat dead skin.
95. Sample local fare all over the world.
96. Ride an ostrich.
97. Appreciate many botanical gardens.
98. Sleep in an elaborate, high tree-house for the night.
99. Go wine taste in all the world’s wine regions.
100. Do a nude photo shoot. (While I still ‘got it’)
101. Take a river canyoning tour.
I confided to my book club that while snorkeling in Maui, I met a sea turtle face-to-face and we had “a moment”. We floated there underwater both effortlessly, and within inches of its sharp little beak yet unflinching, I told the turtle, “I love you!”
This confession brought snickers from my group, and I admit it sounds a little nutty. So why did I make the effort to energetically reveal adoration to my reptile friend? It is difficult to explain and something one must feel for themselves. At that moment underwater I felt an overwhelmingly powerful connection–a web from me to all living things.
My meth-addict neighbor is teaching me a very good lesson these days; he gets under my skin! I live in a condo complex with considerate, law-abiding owners until one day a renter moved in that screamed ‘white trash’ with his appearance. (I actually think his wife beater tank top said “White Trash”.) He was loud, dirty, and drove at breakneck speeds through our parking lot with a truck he must have stolen from the Beverly Hillbillies. On top of that, I saw him taking drug drops and his entire behavior matches that of a methamphetamine addict. Without his knowing, he is testing me.
I believe we are all connected as souls, and we’ve come to this wonderful physical plane called Earth to create, evolve, and remember how divine we truly are. Wrapping my head around this truth took a lot more than intellectual knowledge and found its way coursing through my heart and into every molecule of my being. God/Source/Universe[fill in the blank for the name you call God] created all souls equally and we come here with the intent to help each other grow. That means every encounter with another soul, person or animal, presents an opportunity to remind ourselves “why” we are here.
It would be easy to feel superior and separate myself from the meth-addict neighbor, and admittedly sometimes I do. But the true test is catching myself when those feelings arise and becoming aware that he is a soul just like me, no better or worse, and he has his own lessons to learn in this lifetime. Can I love him and feel authentic compassion? Can I feel that Oneness of a soul with him when I watch him junk up the parking lot?
The Bible teaches us to “love our neighbor as ourselves” and if you stop and ponder that verse truly… you may shock yourself out of denial. All souls are equally loved by God, but I find it incredibly difficult to summon the same love I share for my family or myself, to love a stranger that way. The Prophet Mohammed taught the same lesson when he told his followers to love their brother, (I’ll throw ‘sister’ into the mix) and we are all brothers and sisters.
Authentic love starts in your own heart for yourself, and I’m not talking about arrogance. There comes an awe when you start to wake up to the power you came here with and that you’ve always possessed. The media and the masses will tell you every way you’re not good enough, but as you begin to develop a true appreciation for your existence, all the background noise and distraction will drop away. You will start to grin from ear-to-ear, and want to tell everyone you love them (yes, even Sea Turtles!) because you have so much love for yourself, you’ll want to give it away and help others feel as blissful as you.
On days where my vibration is particularly high, I will play a game where I zap strangers with my love for them. Sometimes people don’t know what hit ‘em, as I’m passing them in the grocery isle or on the running trail and I energetically send them a big, “I love you!” It is as if I can see the beam of love smack them right between the eyes and they look around dazed. At times the reaction is so blatant, it feels as if I said “I love you!” outloud.
At a party I told my girlfriend that she would benefit from hugging trees because they are so giving. I believe everything is energy, and resources on this planet are meant to peacefully co-exist with us, and when we do use them appropriately, we should appreciate them. My girlfriend laughed at me, called me crazy, and wondered what in the world did trees have to give. (I think she’s the crazy one…)
I invite you to join me in this peaceful daze called love, because there is no drug like it! When you feel connected to all things and live in a space of compassion for other souls, there is nothing that can get you ‘down’. I feel that it is real living.
By no means have I mastered this, and with awareness and practice it becomes more habitual, and I literally snap myself out of old thought patterns. Ask yourself, “What genuinely feels better… a) loving others around you without casting judgment, loving purely without resistance, or b) struggling to maintain the illusion of an identity closed off by make-believe hierarchies?” That homeless person on the street or dying orphan in Africa is just as important as you are. And you are just as important as the CEO of your company, or the top Hollywood actor or Wallstreet Billionaire.
Jesus was a soul just like us, and he mastered the ability to truly live the example of Oneness with all other souls. He also said to love our enemies. I quietly thank my meth-addict neighbor for teaching me this lesson.
Filed under: Life
It was 3 a.m., I couldn’t sleep, and I felt the bedbugs biting me through the sheets in a dirty New York City motel. Outside the paper thin walls began the colorful exchange of pimps, their prostitutes, and the men shopping for a late night thrill. Since sleep was out of the question, I figured practicing my newly-learned ‘Taoism’ was no better time than any!
As I lay there, bed bugs biting, listening to pimps bargaining, breathing the greasy walls ooze 30 years of nicotine fumes into the air in our non-smoking motel room, I floated Zen-like through my mind into the Eastern teachings I recently studied. I could criticize and feel superior like many Confucianists, (uh, not for me). As Buddha taught, I could rise above my suffering, (but that would require me to constantly avert myself from negative moments.) Or, I could just “be” with the moment finding all things are perfect just the way they are and not resist the situation, (ahh, that feels best.)
Taoism is an Eastern religion dating back more than 2,000 years. There are many aspects I find attractive, specifically the peaceful ebb and flow of life one finds when they stop struggling to control everything and accept the perfection of the moment, and they truly see the beauty of “is-ness”. Like the great Lao Tse proclaimed, “Be still like a mountain and flow like a river.” I was learning to achieve Zen through flow.
When I first saw the movie, “The Last Samurai,” I was compelled by the final battle scene in which Tom Cruise’s character is holding up the body of his dying friend, the Samurai Warrior Leader, as he takes his last breaths. After a powerful exchange between the two, the character played by Ken Watanbe observes the delicate pink flower blossoms as they drift gently from a tree and he whispers, “Perfect.” I always tear up during this scene, and albeit a film, it reminds me that even in death we can understand that all is well.
After careful examination of my life, I realized I spent so much of my energy paddling upstream, white knuckling the oars, trying to control everything around me and feeling miserable all the while. I felt the power of my shear will would reign victorious, and it often did, but at the cost of my peace and happiness. Learning to “let go of the oars” is one of the greatest lessons ever absorbed. It doesn’t mean I’m a pansy in life; I have drive, preferences and goals. I achieve those goals in life while remaining in blissful alignment. The further I study energy, the more I realize life is all about staying in alignment and feeling good.
I could have flipped my lid after 14 hours of travel from Spain, when Delta Airlines caused us to miss our connecting flight home, put us through 3 hours of run-around, forcing us to locate and pay for our own lodging during a busy weekend, and refusing to fly us home until the next day. At first I wasn’t pleased. But after exhausting all the charm I could muster and savvy airline negotiating tricks, I realized resistance was futile. My husband and I got a good laugh as we booked thee only available nearby motel, straight up ghetto-style!
There is often a silver lining in a challenging situation if we simply let it present itself. In the past I’d exert a strangling chokehold, trying my darndest to control any unpleasantries, and squeeze out the outcome I wanted to see. Since then I’ve learned control is an illusion, and to release the reigns and set free the world of possibility is a heck of a lot better place to exist.
My little fleabag motel sleepless night had turned into several hours of delightful brainstorming, 1 fantastic business idea, and this blog topic. Alas, I relaxed, let the bedbugs bite, learned some choice vocabulary from the sex industry outside my door, and come dawn… graciously checked my ass out of that motel never to return again!
On my 32nd birthday I found myself stuck on the JFK tarmac for 2 extra hours due to a weather delay, enroute to Madrid. After playing the “It’s my birthday” card with the flight attendants, scoring a few free mini bottles of wine, I sat back and started the solo movie marathon on my way over the Atlantic; it was “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey.
If you haven’t seen it yet…go rent it today! Through its silliness and moments of expected Jim Carey hilarity, the underlying message struck a chord with me. Carey plays a middle-aged, loan officer who leads an unextraordinary life and is accustomed to saying “no” to everything. He’s begun to alienate friends, never moves ahead in his career, and has developed a bad habit of closing himself off to life and all its opportunities. After attending a self-help seminar where attendees make a covenant to say “Yes” to everything…and anything, his life begins to transform in amazing and unexpected ways.
At face value, this flick is a predictably fun, brand of 90-minute, Jim Carey comedy. (And anyone who knows me knows I shy away from the Hollywood drool of endless, formulaic films!) Yet, I chose to watch the film 2.5 times and laughed like an idiot throughout–but why? Because I am “Yes Man” and have recently built my lifestyle around this value system.
2008 was a tough year for me in several ways; I buried two grandmothers, closed both my companies down, and nearly went bankrupt. I retreated into my metaphorical cave and shut down to most of the world. At the end of the year I vowed to make 2009 incredible and milk the most out of every day, while being open to the universe and all it had to offer. I created a “101 Things To Do in 2009” list, naming items as simple as: sampling more international cheeses, indulging in a housecleaner, and reading the Declaration of Independence, to more loftier goals such as visiting Thailand, completing my scuba certification and hiking the Grand Canyon. (The list was easier to develop than I thought…which means subconsciously lurking were all these things I’ve always wanted to experience, learn, and try!) Never again did I want to waste a year, and look back regretfully and say, “Damn, I didn’t do any of the things I wanted to accomplish! Where did the year go? And how utterly unremarkable it was…”
Since I made that covenant with myself at the end of 2008, my life has been purely magical! I recently took my husband on a wonderful month-long vacation to Spain where most of our lodging across the country was free; I’ve been invited to vacation in Fiji, Mexico, and India to study with a renowned Guru. Business opportunities have flooded my gates, I’ve met many new people and made wonderful friends, I find myself in the great health and training for one of the most difficult Triathlons nationwide, and I live each day with such zest and fascination. Sometimes it feels as if I’ve lived 3 days to the actual 1. As for the 101 List of To Do Items… I’ve been happily knocking them down by the dozens, and even created an ancillary 101 List!
What I’ve learned about myself during this 6-month experiment of saying “Yes to Life” is when I embrace being ‘open’, I expect something good to happen every time and it does. Being authentically ‘open’ has also forced me to become more empathetic, less selfish, and more compassionate to others. It’s removed the ability to go through life ‘half-ass’ which is an easy to rut to fall into. We become busy, get comfortable, and even ease into laziness. (I know I did!) The good news is it is simple to pull ourselves out of the “No” coma. It’s as easy as saying “Yes” to little things, like smiling back at a stranger, answering an Unknown Caller ID phone call, or meeting your inbox of Evites with hopefulness vs. impatience.
In the movie, “Yes Man”, Carey changes his life in a matter of weeks and welcomes many new life experiences, people, and opportunities. In addition to falling in love, he gets promoted in his career, reconnects with his friends and inspires many different individuals. His unremarkable life has radically transformed, and he is a happier man for it. Carey also learns there is such a thing as ‘balance’ to strike in life with being constantly open to life and opportunities.
And that balance is important to keep in mind, as agreeing to all things is unreasonable and potentially dangerous. As I find myself mentally and verbally saying, “Yes” to most opportunities that flow my way, I still exercise instinct, fiscal prudence and my own version of life harmony. I will ignore the invite to pierce my nipples, not join a cult, and not invest all my money in what resembles a Ponzi scheme.
What I will do, is wake up tomorrow morning and breathe in the delicious moment of NOW, and energetically say “Yes” to what life has to offer me because I know it will be fantastic! I suggest you try it; who knows, the next “Yes” you say could lead to meeting the person of your dreams, making a new bestfriend, drop the next incredible business opportunity in your lap, or inspire your biggest idea ever.
Be a “Yes Man” with me.
Filed under: Life
Every morning when I arise
A prayer of gratitude I send on high
For big and small things, does my life comprise
And lift does my spirit, voice and eyes
To the Heavens, in thanks, with joyful tears
Appreciating even hard lessons, doubts and fears
For all emotions expand our inner frontier
Even pain as a teacher will draw us near
To a higher knowing that all souls are One
And when we die our evolution isn’t done
Each day is magical, compared to none
Where Earth is our playground, and life should be fun
And so I count my blessings, one by two
Laughing as my list grows longer than I knew
My vibration becomes pure and aligned as I do
And all my worries dissolve into something new
Like patience and love, peace and harmony
Feeling compassion for others, even my enemy
Giving in to blame and finding fault is too easy
Forgiving others is where I choose be
Thank you Source, for all experiences, joy and strife
As I am a daughter, sister, friend and wife
And welcome the lessons taught to me by life
Even heartbreaking struggles I don’t understand, (sigh)
I feel perfection in sunsets, smiles and smell of fresh rain
Love the gifts of song and dance, done with passion, unashamed
How wishing on stars and rainbows makes me feel like a kid again
With every new breath of gratitude, I can never be the same
Thank you, Universe, for my two silly pups
And humor to laugh at myself when life gets rough
For family and friends, when their love for me needs to be tough
These words alone to show my gratitude are simply not enough
So I am happy seeking new blessings, now, tomorrow and yesterday
My transformation comes from growing, and not from running away
In courage lies our freedom, to face what comes our way
To view all things as blessings, and being human enough to say…
“God, I will not waste this wonderful gift of life. Not a single day!”
Filed under: 1
During warm-ups for a circuit training class my trainer had me do laps around the gym, but instructed me to skip instead of jog. As I broke into my bouncy stride a big smile spread across my face and I chuckled out loud thinking about the last time I had really skipped. When I was seven years old I’d skipped everywhere, in fact it was my primary mode of transportation. In those carefree days, skipping was symbolic of how I viewed the world: sanguine, breezy, and worry-free.
If I used a stock graph to illustrate my lifetime history of living in anxiety vs. anxiety-free, it would look like an angry reversed bell curve with a huge valley in the middle and precipitous peaks on both sides. It would demonstrate my childhood flair to happily exist and skip through life, then as a teenager begin to decline with a steep dip in my early 20s, until it struck a bottomed-out trench in my late 20s right about the time I launched two companies. At last the graph climbs out of its hole, and back to days of less apprehension to my present moment, where I am committed to outgrow the emotion of worrying altogether.
The “F” word stands for ‘Fretting’ rather than the usual four-letter expression. For the last several months I’ve examined my habitual nature to fret about everything. I acknowledge in the recent past I had turned into quite the worry wart with sleepless nights and outright panic. It’s astonishing when you stop and think how we learn to live with worry, as if it were the norm and the opposite were some unattainable utopia.
Physiologically we know that the emotion of stress causes physical damage in the human body and decreases one’s lifespan dramatically. Worry is one of thee worst forms of mental activity–so much so it destructs the body with a biochemical reaction. Some of the immediate and obvious signs are ulcers, weight gain or loss, sickness, wrinkles, nausea, diarrhea, insomnia… ugh! I know when I’m on the worry train and can’t seem to get off–I’m not a pretty person to be around. Imagine what it does to our insides…
Within our society worrying begins at a very early age for many and is influenced heavily by parents, teachers, the media and societal pressure. Being “stressed out” has become the ordinary state of being for the masses, and doctors prescribe drugs like candy so consumers can “handle” their concerns. It’s turned into a viscous cycle of becoming addicted to worrying and negative thought, thus addicted to the drugs that momentarily take the worry away. I believe it is so deeply engrained that the synapses of our brains have formed specific patterns that cause us to automatically fret about things, even very minor things, at a moment’s notice. We are stuck on a track like the groove of a record and continue to go round and round, round and round, as we bring more harm to our body, mind and spirit.
After much contemplation and dissection of thought patterns, using myself as the guinea pig, I realized it was a matter of deprogramming my habits that I’d rigorously established over the last 2 decades, that would help grant me my freedom from fretting. I really like the example used in the movie Shallow Hal with Jack Black and Tony Robbins. Jack Black’s character is de-hypnotized from society’s perspective on outward beauty to truly see the real beauty on the inside with the girls he meets. In this application, how I wish for a mass de-hypnotizing so that people would understand how pointless stress is, and they are just hurting themselves and others. But would the lesson be learned then?
I admire a friend of mine, (and for the purpose of this blog he has asked me to give him the alias of Gunga Din) who has purposely lived the ‘worry-free’ lifestyle in the face of imminent stress and panic. During the dot-bomb days of Silicon Valley I watched his Fortune 500 Company hack down their employees, wave after wave, then merge and get acquired, to yet again go through more waves of lay-offs. And through this entire time where his livelihood hung dangerously in the balance with wife and kids at home to support, he never worried about his job situation. Eight years later he is one of the few who has managed to survive unscathed and still works for the company in its umpteenth iteration. He told me one day, “After seeing my dad worry so much when I was growing up, I decided I was not going to live like that, and made the choice to never worry again.” His theory is simple: when problems arise then do what you can to fix them. If you can’t do anything, don’t worry about it. Worrying will not get it done.
The first time I saw the movie, Joe vs. the Volcano, with Tom Hanks I thought it was a stupid film. What did I know? I was only seventeen. On second review this year I found it highly thought-provoking and am thankful I gave it another shot. Hank’s character is in a dead-end job and finds himself surrounded with fearful, worrisome co-workers in a meaningless existence… until one day he finds out during a routine doctor check-up that he’s dying and doesn’t have long to live. Suddenly he stops worrying, quits his job, tries to emancipate a miserable co-worker unsuccessfully, and takes on a new perspective for his remaining life. The rest of the story is a journey of self-discovery and seizing the moment and appreciating what matters in life. (And for those of you, who haven’t seen it, I’m going to ruin it for you–he lives. And his medical prognosis was a ruse and part of the film’s plot line.) Why is it that we wait until something dire happens to us, or those we love, before we can let go of worrying and truly live?
I have another friend named Peter and he opened my eyes to the concept of giving up worrying when we took a trip up to San Francisco in his convertible red Ferrari. He and I had just met a couple times at a social club as business associates and he suggested we make the 45-minute drive up to the marina so he could introduce me to a fantastic female explorer who would make an excellent interview candidate for my show, “Women Who Win”. She had just rowed across the Atlantic in a row boat, and was launching her journey across the Pacific. During our daytrip we were invited to take a boat tour of the bay with another friend of Peter’s, then dock and have lunch in Sausalito. I was worried about the list of things to do waiting for me back home, while Peter immediately said ‘yes’ to the invitation. Sensing my hesitation, he handed me the key to his Ferrari and said it was okay if I needed to head back to San Jose and I could drive his car. I was shocked by the gesture, considering he’d only just met me weeks ago and San Francisco is not an easy city to navigate, especially in an expensive stick shift vehicle I’d never driven before.
After deciding to hang out a little longer with Peter and enjoy the day on the bay, Peter taught me one more lesson to give up worrying. During our boat trip he left his car parked at the harbor with the keys in the ignition, top down and visible to all. He said this helped him practice ‘trust’ and I’ve never forgotten it.
Admittedly I play little games with myself to help keep my perspective on track when I lose my footing and fall prey to incessant worrying. One game involves me thinking of the worst thing that could happen in a specific fretful instance: I lose a deal, get laughed at publicly, piss someone off, lose my money, waste a lot of time, etc. In hindsight I realize those worst case scenarios really aren’t bad. I also visualize a sheer rock face thousands of feet above the ground and I stand alone on a tiny ledge with dozens of feet of rock face straight up behind me to the top of a mountain. It doesn’t matter how I got there–I just am, and I have 3 decisions to make: jump to my death, wait indefinitely on the ledge and hope for a miracle, or try and scale the impossible rock face behind me, which will most likely end in me falling to my death. Nay, I have no secret death wish in life; rather I take myself through the feelings of each option to compare to my present moment of worry. It gives me an overwhelming feeling of peace and resignation that in comparison I truly have no problems worth stressing over.
Through insightful contemplation, the “F” word really stands for FEAR which is the root of Fretting, magnified. We are fearful of disapproval from others, fearful that we won’t measure up in life or our career, fearful of so many, many things.
These past several weeks have been great indicators for my levels of worry as I’ve been working through some extremely difficult deals that require my daily baby-sitting and management of not only my own, but other team members’ stress levels. I recall teeing off on the first hole of a beautiful golf course with a client, and getting a frantic call about a big snag in one of my deals–I handled it in the moment, knew I was powerless until the following week, and decided to ‘let go’ of the angst that flooded my peaceful energy. Alas, my first drive was horrible, and so were the next two holes…I was able to replace my worry with ‘happy thoughts’ and recover my golf game by Hole #3. On a recent 7-day road trip through California with my younger sister, we were robbed and my sister lost some valuable, irreplaceable items. I lost a few trivial things, and what warmed my heart is that my sister and I didn’t sweat it–we chose a non-worry attitude and knew that somehow karmically all would be made right. It didn’t taint our trip for a second, although I’m sure my sister misses all her fabulous clothes.
For the month of April I am instituting a 30-day diet from fretting and it will be a live, interactive experiment that I’m happy to share with readers. I donate myself up to the research of this project, and feel 30 days of cognitive awareness and reshaping the ‘grooves on the record’ of my mind will start a new pattern. This mindful focus will allow me to examine those worrisome feelings when they arrive, then immediately choose to let them go and replace it with good feelings instead. I’m convinced it will be a powerful month in my life and something I can truly habituate over time as a lifelong practice. I desire the freedom to exist without all the imprisoning SHOULDS and SHOULD NOTS of our world and the constant worry it creates. Try it.
Filed under: Life
I found myself on a delightful spiritual journey recently with two girlfriends: Shannon and America. We’d been invited on a private, Native American, all-women Sweatlodge experience up in the Santa Cruz Mountains.
It was an invitation that I absolutely could not turn down out of curiosity, the desire to bond with fellow females, and my personal quest to better know my spirit guides and totem animals.
Before entering a tiny woman-made wigwam with 30 other spiritually-bound ladies I’d just met, it was announced by the group leader from the gods that our Sweatlodge was especially powerful that day. I knew it would be.
We crawled our way into the Sweatlodge after honoring our own personal guides by kneeling tribute at the mouth of the hut and paying them mental homage. We selected our spot in the circle where we’d spend the next 5 hours, and also presented our gifts of colored fabric with tobacco leaves, (the most precious of offerings in Native American culture) and put our intentions into each fold of color. I chose purple, indigo and yellow–the colors I feel make up my aura.
Due to the significance in numerology, we are in the 11th year, which is a powerful year of Mastery. This is an exceptional time for manifestation, and we honored its power by adding 11 new rocks per ceremony. The ceremony began and we invited Mother Earth and Father Sky to join us with their love and light.
Then we were asked to invite our own participants, and as everyone mentioned who they included that special day, I was amazed to hear our celebrity line up: Jesus Christ, Harry Krishna, Buddha, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., all the Saints…the list went on. I invited my own crew: my sixteen guides/angels, my totem spirits (wolf, butterfly and dolphin), my sweet and recently-departed Grandmother Grace, and of course my homie, Jesus.
I could not help but pour out tears during our first ceremony, as I invited my Grandmother into our presence. I missed her, loved her, and knew she was ‘on to her next adventure.’ It felt like so much relief to involve her in the Sweatlodge. The feeling that overcame me was nothing but peace afterwards.
There were 4 ceremonies in all, each contributing their own meaning toward a woman’s path in life and evolution. For the next 5 hours we sang, sweat, prayed, shared, chanted, cried, let go, and created our intentions for 2009 and life in general. The lovely herbs poured on the burning hot stones (all blessed) took on a therapeutic air as I breathed them in and my lungs and sinuses cleared. At times it became so overwhelmingly hot in the Sweatlodge, I had to lie down on the cool Earth.
During this process there was a lot of pain released by the women in the Wigwam. 5 hours later we were all lighter, both in spirit and poundage. We emerged from the Sweatlodge into the cool darkness of night, (although it was complete darkness inside the Wigwam and didn’t matter if you kept your eyes open or closed.)
I will never forget how loud our stomachs were growling because my girlfriends and I hadn’t planned our meals properly and showed up to the Sweatlodge hungry. 5 hours of intense sweating later, we were starving and our bellies wouldn’t shut up during quiet meditation.
Shannon leaned over to me and whispered, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could toast S’mores on those hot fire rocks?! Let’s invite the Spirit of S’mores to our Sweatlodge today!”
The thought of inviting to our Wigwam hallowed masters like Buddha, Krishna, Jesus, the Saints… and the Spirit of S’mores, sounded incredibly funny and I broke out into irreverent peals of laughter. (Anyone who knows me well, also knows my laugh.)
Either it was the hunger or spiritual connection that drove me to absolute hysterics and it was contagious among the group. Between the throes of side-splitting laughter, I explained my source of humor, and it wasn’t exactly well-received.
Regardless of what the group thought was funny or inappropriate, in the back of my mind I knew the spirit of Buddha was laughing too!
Filed under: Life
Over the holidays my mother and I were reminiscing memories from my childhood, and we had some laughs. Much to my parents chagrin, they never knew what would pop out of my mouth in public, and learned at an early age how painfully opinionated I was. I would share family secrets up in front of class, or naively ask obese women at the grocery store when they’re ‘babies’ were due. If there was a pink elephant in the room and other kids were already taught to ignore it, I’d awkwardly blurt why it was there, who put it there, and other less savory comments. My brain-to-mouth filter was defective, and I didn’t get a new one until later in life.
Somewhere in between now and then I’ve slumped into a numb state of compliance.
I haven’t been a fan of faking anything in life. I’ve prided myself on a purist way of authentic being, as well as fiercely protecting my non-conformity, as if the opposite were a disease. But I’d be a big, fat hypocrite if I say that was the case lately, because I’ve been faking it with the masses.
This notion has been especially evident to me in the business world, and as I attempted to examine it from a less-biased observer role, it became more difficult to choke down.
Is it just me, or has the workplace become more like a stressful Broadway stage where we must become actors, spewing forth company indoctrination like lines in a bad script, and perform our theatricalistic business, less we get hooked out of the spotlight for good? And like a weed on crack, twenty more understudies will immediately pop up and steal the show and our job with their forced, upbeat cheerleading.
Frankly, it just makes me want to throw up. I’ve recently emancipated myself from a situation that required I not only observe, alas, I must participate in this workplace insanity. And like my fellow players in that theater, known as a traditional J-O-B, I had to put on an extra thick layer of stage makeup to mask my disdain. And dare I escape the onset of pointless meetings, egocentric executives, and the heavy fog of micromanagement via text message, email and phone, I was again reminded of it every time I popped open my laptop with the mandatory and sickly-propogandic screen-saver.
“Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day long… In a given week I only do 15 minutes of real work.”
These are two of my favorite quotes from the main character in the movie, Office Space. It was on TV the other day and I sat back and delighted in how profound parts of the film struck me. Granted, it is impossible to move through life in a never-ending hypnotic state like the lead role did. There was something oh, so satisfying with the concept of living in total congruency and inner peace, and doing it outloud and at the office. I’m not suggesting taking up slothfulness at work, but I’ve wondered how efficient the average employee could be if they didn’t have to fake their way through 8+ mind-numbing hours, rather worked at the ‘going-on-vacation-tomorrow’ mode where tasks get completed at an alarming rate. Think how much free time employees would have on their hands! (And they’d probably get a bigger dose of work by instituting this practice.) I find books like, The 4-Hour Work Week appealing as it so imaginatively teaches readers how to lengthen their leash from the boss and the cubicle.
The movie Liar Liar with Jim Carey was on to something with their humorous premise based on an attorney living the insincere, fast-track life and sleeping his way up the ladder to become partner. His success is interrupted by his young son’s simple birthday wish that his father must tell the truth for one day.
Can you imagine if everyone in the world had to ‘keep it real’ for just 24-hours? This obviously cannot be magically enforced, however I still giggle at the thought of the consequences. There would be so many firings and resignations, HR Departments wouldn’t know how to handle it, and I imagine many employees would traverse the corporate ladder, both up and down. Clients would be lost and won at breakneck speed, contracts renegotiated, self-serving alliances abolished, faux friendships hampered, advertising would be truthful, and overall attitudes less contrived. The shy secretary would tell the boss to stop grabbing her ass, the female executive would finally divorce her husband because she’d rather be married to her job, and the pimply computer programmer would ask his co-worker of six years out on a date.
This utopian workplace is a fanciful resting place for my overcreative mind. And there will always be someone higher on the food chain who propagates this theme of ‘fake it til you make it’ in the office. I ask if the final milestone, whatever that elusive pot of gold may be, is truly worth this crazy, schizo-metamorphosis that many companies of the world require.
(Sigh) Of course one could argue that there are good companies who promote workplace equality, authenticity and individualism… I suppose there are a few safe havens like those around.
And many may argue that life cannot be lived without certain resources to survive, and those resources are particularly costly in our nation, thus requiring a trade of time for dollars doing something perceivably valuable to the one giving the dollars. Agreed. But at what point do we habitually bring the office home and start faking it in the rest of our sparse moments of freedom? Why are we so damn scared with just being ourselves, and have we faked it for so long we scarcely know who we are anyway? Did we finally swallow the employee handbook, the altruistic mission statement, and the company slogan… hook, line and sinker?
I won’t rant and complain without posing some solution in the end, although the truth of the matter is clearly daunting. The concept of faking it will start to dissolve when people of the world develop a healthy self-security about themselves, becomes less greedy, and lose their desire to demonstrate power over others. That’s all…
I give props to the folks who love their J-O-B’s, especially if they are free to be themselves. And if they find themselves living in a 7×7 cubicle and eating office politics for breakfast, lunch and dinner and they’re at peace with it…bravo. I’m no better or worse for not choosing that path. I just want my own path. And I’ll never get back on that insane hamster wheel again!
I looked up the antonym for Fake, and it read: Fact. Original. Reality. These are the values I hope to graciously and genuinely live by, regardless of their consequences.
I end this blog entry with one of my favorite movie quotes from FIGHT CLUB.
“[We are]…an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”
Filed under: Life
At 6 a.m. this morning I stood and watched the moonset. Why should the sun hog all the credit with sunrises and sunsets? Have you have stood in awe at a beautiful moonrise during a colorful dusk sky? Or watched its peaceful decent on a crisp early morning?
I’ve been absolutely mesmerized by the moon since I was a little girl, and at the appropriate age, got it tattooed on my body. (Sorry mom!)
By studying astrology, I learned my lunar rising sign is fits me better than the astrological sign I was born under.
This morning, watching it boldly drift out of sight, I wondered how many past lives have I spent gazing at the moon in amazement. What is this electric power it has over me that demands my attention?
Tonight is a full moon, and I will pay due homage and watch it rise and set. And I smile, knowing the hospitals will be preparing for all the babies be born tonight! (The full moon seems to have that effect.)
