Filed under: Uncategorized
I experienced history lessons at a very young age in quite the unique manner. I learned about Russian history, Tsars and Judaism, Nazis, the Third Reich and its effect on Austrians, as well as the Great Depression, Hoovervilles and the New Deal. Instead of reading about it, I was enacting history via Broadway musicals with a performing arts society by the age of 7. From “Fiddler on the Roof”, “The Sound of Music” and “Annie” just to name a few, I was deeply impacted by those experiences and it fueled my quest to understand history, religion, culture and social studies more than any textbook ever could enthuse.
I’ve been inspired to revisit my love for the story of Little Orphan Annie. Originally brought to life as a weekly comic strip, the tale of Annie is one most are familiar; staged in New York City circa 1933 amidst the backdrop of the Great Depression, this fictional 11-year-old spunky red-head lives amongst dozens of other young girls in an orphanage, performing menial labor, all dreaming one day a nice couple will adopt them, or as Annie believes whole-heartedly, “My parents are comin’ for me someday.”
Annie is hosted at the mansion of Oliver Warbucks, Billionaire Tycoon, as week-long press-stunt to garner favorable perceptions of the rich helping the poor, and she effortlessly charms her way into his heart. She inspires President Franklin D. Roosevelt and his wife Eleanor with her sunny vocals, ‘The Sun will Come Out Tomorrow’ rousing hope, as the President launches a campaign, “the New Deal” to help Americans recover from the Great Depression and get back on their feet to recovery.
After discovering through a nationwide hunt that her parents are deceased and not coming back to get her, Annie is adopted by Daddy Warbucks and we imagine they live happily ever after.
Lately I’m struck by a few common parallels between the musical, “Annie” and present day happenings, in both American history and my own life. We are in the worst economic state since the Great Depression, people are seriously hurting financially, and the light at the end of the tunnel is a good further distance. Thousands are taking to the streets to protest, Americans are losing homes by the droves, some forced to live with family, other reduced to shacks, tents and the street. There are very few in the position of major wealth, and the bulk of the scale is tipped in the other direction. People are starving for hope, many blame our current President, demanding a different candidate who will bring real change, relief, recovery and reform… a “new deal” to get America on a more balanced path.
My oh my, so many similarities.
Albeit naively altruistic, the lyrics from little orphan Annie are simplistically profound right now:
The sun’ll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
There’ll be sun!
Just thinkin’ about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs, and the sorrow
‘Til there’s none!
When I’m stuck with a day
That’s gray, and lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And grin, And say, Oh!
The sun’ll come out tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on ’til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You’re always a day a way!
Even though we may not see the sun through fog, rain, or clouds, we know it’s going to rise every day and that brings me great comfort knowing I get to ‘start anew’ or I get a ‘do-over’ when I wake up in the morning, regardless of how my prior day resulted. We are powerful creators, and creating in every moment whether that be consciously or unconsciously. It is simply a choice. We just decide to: maintain a positive attitude, decide to surround ourselves with uplifting people, decide to make a change in our beliefs, behavior, and habits vs. repeating the same over and over again, thereby getting the same undesired results. We decide to view this challenging time, rather as a period of tremendous opportunity. We simply decide and commit.
…” the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.” -Goethe
At age 7 my father sat me down and asked, “Amie do you want to play the part of Marta in the Sound of Music?” as he explained it would require work memorizing lines, singing, dancing, and acting in front of large audiences during multiple performances. Even at that early age I responded with clear indignance, “Yes I can do it!” In retrospect I am so grateful to my parents for encouraging not only my early performing arts career, but more importantly, instilling the notion to believe in myself and I was capable of anything, if I decided so.
We all experience pivotal moments in our lives, and I remember one in 1988 that literally help shape the Amie Chilson before you today. Eager to learn of the next annual production on the docket, I called our Performing Arts Society Director and asked him what musical to anticipate. He told me, “We are performing the musical ‘Annie’.” I recall it like yesterday, and I blurted out with absolute certainty, “I’m your Annie!”
Cutting to the chase, I got the part. To this day I am convinced it was not due to my performance skills, because there were 60 other girls aggressively auditioning for the role, many of which who had better voices, more experienced acting abilities, red hair, or parents who actively contributed substantial resources to our society and schools, as well as maintained political ties within the community. What I am convinced of, is that I believed with such passion that I’d play Little Orphan Annie, and through my pure visualization of the end result and embodiment of the role with zero seeds of doubt, there could only be one person for the part: Amie Chilson.
There were a number of incredible lessons I learned through the process, the most influential of which was choosing my beliefs, specifically what I believed I was capable of creating and capable of becoming. I ate, slept and breathed “Annie” during the summer months of auditioning. I decided with every ounce of my being that I’d play the role and put everything I “had” into the production, I’d get on stage night after night without any nervousness and sing my heart out.
Somewhere in between my 11-year-old Annie and 34-year-old Amie, the limiting beliefs have infiltrated my thoughts; be they inspired via temporary defeats, losses, or societal influences…I recognize them. Once again I am faced with a pivotal moment in my life; and I choose to return to my pure childlike passion and faith in myself.
On the stage of life there are no dress rehearsals…it is happening now, fleeting moments, years, lifetimes. What do you choose for yourself? (Pause) Okay, then—decide it, and commit with all you got.
Tomorrow is a fresh new start, bet your bottom dollar. And the sun’ll come out tomorrow.
Filed under: Life
I was raised in a household of Trekkies, (a.k.a. Star Trek series enthusiasts.) We watched all the original episodes with Captain Kirk and the next generation with Captain Picard. As a young viewer of this show, I felt its lessons were analogies for life and an imaginative foretaste of what we could expect as future innovation many years ahead.
There is a particular episode that stood out in my recently, as I contemplated our abilities as “Masterful Creators” here on Planet Earth. Captain Kirk and his crew are weary and in need of relaxation, so he sends his team to recon a “paradise planet” before the rest of the crew beams down, and they begin to experience some very strange things. Dr. McCoy sees a big a white rabbit and Alice in Wonderland who chases it. Sulu sees an ancient samurai who engages him in sword battle. Yeoman Tonia Barrows is accosted by Don Juan. Kirk beams down to verify these crazy reports and seeming “hallucinations” from his team, and runs into an childhood rival whom he’s always wanted to beat in a fight, as well as encounters a former high school girlfriend not seen in years. It is Spock who beams down and figures out they are on a planet that reads their thoughts.
“We all are meeting people and things that we happen to be thinking about at the moment,” says Captain Kirk. “Yes, somehow our thoughts are read and things are quickly manufactured and provided for us,” the ever-so-wise Spock deducts.
Voila! This is much like Earth. What we hold in our mind and wish for tends to manifest in our reality. What dictates how fast these visions manifest is a result of how much focused energy and thought is invested.
This is a controversial subject I love to contemplate, speak and write about. We are responsible for everything we manifest into our existence, good or bad…everything.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve seen a mixture of wonderful and not so wonderful people, things and events transpire in your life so far. I’ve made and lost a lot of money, been married and divorced twice, found myself overweight and also in top physical condition, and the list continues.
At times my ego wanted to reject the fact I am the creator of my reality, and what I hold in mind long enough, consciously or unconsciously, indeed ends up manifesting into my reality. Am I truly 100% responsible?
A favorite book of mine, “Ask and It is Given” written by Esther Hicks/Abraham teach, “By the powerful Universal Law of Attraction, you draw to you the essence of whatever you are predominantly thinking about. So if you are predominantly thinking about the things you desire, your life experience reflects those things…Whatever you are thinking about is like planning a future event. Worrying is using your imagination to create something you do not want.”
I am an experiential learner and informal ‘scientist of my own life’ conducting ongoing experiments, and I decided to really play with this notion of focused thought/emotion/vibration = physical manifestation. One weekend for 48 hours I focused on manifesting a trip to Hawaii; I was extremely clear–I intended to take a trip there for 7 days, I’d travel there within 30 days, my vacation would entail delightful relaxation on Hawaii’s beautiful beaches complete with fantastic activities, and this trip would somehow come to me for free.
For 2 days I remained in an incredible state of joy and positivity, only focusing on my desire as if it had come true already. I listened to Hawaiian music, talked about it with friends, wrote it down in a journal, posted pictures of people surfing in Waikiki Beach, and even created a vision board with photos of Hawaii.
Like magic, at the end of those 48 hours I received a phone call from a friend who told me they’d been wanting to go to Hawaii for a week-long vacation, thought of me, and invited me on a trip they’d pay for. Whoa! I remember laughing hysterically, partly in gratitude and belief that the law of attraction was definitely in-action, and partly in disbelief of how quickly it transpired.
I’ve experienced countless examples of rapid manifestations in my life, some amazingly positive and others disappointingly negative, and if I meditate on it enough, can trace the root of my thought and feelings to periods when I focused with incredible emotion on those subjects.
Hicks/Abraham recount that we have a ‘buffer of time’ that serves us with our thoughts; there is no need for apprehensive monitoring 24/7 of what we think and feel. However it does beg the question, “Are we aware of what the majority of our emotions are focused on daily?”
I applied the Star Trek episode premise to Facebook one day as I scanned the updated posts from friends and colleagues; what were they consistently focused on? I saw a lot of friends posting they were sick again and how bad they felt; I’d seen a trend of posts “focused thought” in their lives in that arena, and it seemed they were repeatedly sick. Many were complaining about politics or celebrity drama, others recounted happenings in their children’s lives, and some Facebook posts were brilliantly and consistently happy/grateful.
I’ve come to appreciate the beauty of contrast in my life; without the dark, how do we know the light? Contrast, (a.k.a. “bad”) is actually a good thing because it’s given me a greater perspective on what I prefer to attract and manifest in my life. Let’s just say I’ve experienced enough contrast now at age 34 to know what I desire so I can focus my thoughts on the amazing things I wish to create.
I like another Star Trek analogy using the Holodeck as an example for instant manifestation. “The Holodeck is an enclosed room in which objects and people are simulated by a combination of transported matter, replicated matter, tractor beams, and shaped force fields onto which holographic images are projected.” In short, crew from the Starship Enterprise would enter this room and create instantaneous simulations, (i.e. people, environments, trainings, food/drink, etc.) that felt, tasted, smelled, sounded and looked real, and they did this by a simple command within the Holodeck.
As we live out this ‘dream’ as human beings, what we call forth into our reality feels very real to us. My car in-need of a good wash looks real, my sore back muscles from a recent workout feel real, the peanut butter and jelly toast I ate this morning tasted real. Thus, if my lifetime is truly my creation, and I know in my heart I am deserving and can attract and manifest what I wish by the focus of my feelings, I will experiment with this “Holodeck” called Planet Earth, and enjoy playing with this wonderful power by inviting up the most loving, joyful and extraordinary thoughts possible. Some manifestations may occur fast, others may take some time, alas I am aware what this process feels like, and practicing has never been so much fun!
In the modified infamous words of the Star Trek character, Spock: “Love long and prosper.”
I made a new friend with a waiter recently, and I received a gift far more valuable than the 20% tip I left him during lunch. Working in a restaurant as a server was not his first career choice; regardless, every morning he woke up with an attitude of whose lives he could touch by being present and open to giving the best service that he could to everyone who crossed his path. He continually “emptied his proverbial cup” and sought ways to humble himself.
We’ve become so clouded by our little worlds, making ourselves prisoners in these self-created cages, and we miss what’s going on around us, never living in the magic of the moment. How many times have we heard, “I’ll be happy when I: get that new job, body, education, lover, money, or epiphany.” We overlook the meat of life as we focus only on the fat, and this superficial existence is numbing. The maybe-not-so-accidental encounter with the waiter inspired deep examination of my own personal humility meter. Lately there have been countless life lessons exposing my resistance.
“If you want to kiss the sky better learn how to kneel.” – U2
These lyrics from a U2 song ran through my head today. Real humility starts with looking in the mirror and honestly dissecting ourselves, not stopping until we discover our own truth. Serious self-examination can be an excruciating process, often determined by how much we resist the experience. I’ve felt like a Phoenix rising from the ashes many times, and life has presented me new opportunities, many painful, to prostrate myself again and dig deeper. Like the U2 song, the sky is calling me to fly and I could not heed its beckon until I surrendered to taste, smell and feel what it’s like to see the heavens from lying on the ground.
One of the greatest tests for our humility comes from getting “emotionally nude” with the people in our lives. What happens when we strip down our layers of clothes, a.k.a. “guard”, and vulnerably stand there letting someone see us in our nakedness? When we openly bare our jugular, we can be easily judged and criticized, which can result in ridicule or rejection. We can lose friends, jobs, money, love, even respect and credibility through the eyes of others. Absolute vulnerability is a big risk to take in life, and one must desire truth more than they do the perceived safety in projected appearance.
What I’ve learned lately by having the courage to strip down to my emotionally nude self in the presence of others, is an amazing sense of freedom that arises from this action. I’d much rather live from my own truth and come clean with it, regardless of the outcome, then take another blind step in life, weighted down by a self-imposed coat of armor.
The freedom to exist with an unguarded and open heart is an exhilarating way to live. Whether there is everything or nothing to lose, and you come from your truth, a sense of peaceful imperturbability takes hold, much like a feeling of being bulletproof. An there is no other path to this peace than to go through the fire.
Pain has carved me into an eternal hopeful, and I will not stay small no matter how many times life kicks me while I’m down. For with each blow we take from the tough lessons in life, we learn, become stronger and evolve. And one day we realize the pain has been a blessing in disguise and there is so much joy to be experienced with living from truth, living with our hearts wide open, living alive. Hiding behind “armor” doesn’t actually offer protection; for when we truly love ourselves and let go, nothing can ultimately hurt us.
Two months ago my sister was in a car accident that should have been fatal; in fact the police, wrecker and ambulance driver were all in complete amazement that she walked away from her totaled vehicle without a scratch. This incident was a huge wake up call for me in a number of ways.
I vowed to myself that day to become more present in the moment, to love and appreciate the people in my life often, to laugh more, risk more and absolutely ‘suck the marrow’ out of every moment, because every moment is a gift. And my sister’s accident kept me inspired for a while…and then I began back-sliding.
Our comfort zone is highly seductive. I was reminded of this when I flipped on the TV a few days ago and one of my favorite thought-provoking films was playing: “Fight Club”. The scene was with Brad Pitt, who threw a convenience store worker on his knees and put a gun to his head, assuring him that he was about to die. The worker begged to live and Pitt calmly began interviewing him, asking what the man really wanted to achieve in his life. With a gun to his head and imminent death near, the truth came quickly; the guy had wanted to become a veterinarian but the schooling was too hard so he took a complacent job that he hated. Long story short, Pitt sent the convenience store worker home while his co-star, Edward Norton, looked on incredulously. What caught my attention was Pitt’s explanation of what that man would experience: “…Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of his life. His breakfast will taste better than any breakfast than you and I have ever tasted.”
I started thinking, “What would flash through my mind if someone had a gun to my head telling me I was going to die?” Would I feel satisfied with the 33 years of life lived so far? Would there be regret for things I wished I’d done, anyone that I failed to forgive or expressed my love and appreciation?
Frankly I’m not willing to wait for a near-fatal car accident or firearm pointed at my noggin to give the answers to those questions. Wake-up calls can be subtle or startling, and I took a cue the last few days as I evaluated my behavior. Somewhere in the journey of becoming who we want to be and who we habitually find ourselves at the present moment, we forget to live each day fully alive. Our minds float blissfully into the future: “Someday I will launch that company. One day I will run a Triathlon. Someday I’ll take my family on that trip to Hawaii, learn to speak French, and go visit Great Aunt Edna…” All those ‘somedays’ become stale wishes never realized.
“Seize the moment. Think of all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.” – Erma Bombek.
We are loaned 86,400 seconds in each day to create life the way we want to …yes, we are absolutely powerful creators. We design our lives. (Let that marinate for a moment.)
Instead of beating myself up for my recent life dullness and complacency, I got proactive about it. What did “living alive” mean to me? In reflection it meant starting each day with zeal and gratitude, practicing new things continually, experiencing ongoing stimulation and creativity, feeling and expressing deep love and appreciation of all things and all people, and stepping over that line we call our “comfort zone”.
So how do we do that?
Here are a few ideas I came up with and you, reader, are invited to use any or all of these:
Every morning before my feet hit the floor I remind myself to be grateful and thank God for another day of existence. I write in a ‘gratitude journal’ that catalogs and praises all the abundance in my life. I not only feel, but tell people I appreciate and love often–that’s a truly impactful way to live alive. Why are we so hung up on saying the words, “I love you”? Play with this energetically saying/sending love to everything and everybody in your life continually, and you will be amazed at how good you feel…and the response you get back. Build into your life small ways every week to push and stimulate yourself, i.e. read a new book, travel somewhere, (even locally) that you’ve never been before, make a new friend, buy and eat an exotic food you’ve never tried, indulge in something because you’re worth it and drop the feeling of guilt or unworthiness, get out of your own head via service and help someone else, or create your own lifelong and yearly “Bucket List” and enjoy knocking those items one by one.
A Bucket List is a list of things people write down in hopes of accomplishing before they die; before they kick the bucket. It’s great in theory, however few people actually tackle a significant percentage and find themselves at the end of their lives wishing they’d experienced more. I’ve created a yearly ‘Bucket List’ which I share at the end of this Blog; the items mentioned make me feel alive, and I feel much excitement to check off each one.
Many of the things we dream of experiencing in a lifetime require risk, and so often these goals and dreams are shelved for that reason–because we are scared to fail; scared to try. At the end of our lives are we really going to worry about what so-and-so thought of us, how perfect our lives appeared to the public, striving to maintain this ridiculous societal notion of what’s appropriate, and existing in the “should zone”? Heck no! In the final moments and last breaths, we hopefully will recall our profound abundance in life, rich with memories, love, friendship, experiences, lessons and legacy. This is the true stuff in life. God-willing we all live long lives; and let us respect the present, as we never know how long we have on this planet.
I metaphorically equate myself to a ‘Bull in a China Shop of Life’ who went rushing through, hungry to experience everything I possibly could quickly, and getting cut along the way. In 33 years of existence I’ve traveled the world, (and found myself in some hairy situations) made and lost fortunes, launched and closed multiple companies and gone through 2 divorces. Will I make money, start new companies, travel internationally and fall deeply in love again? (Insert Wisconsin Accent) “You betcha!”
Nobody is going to live our lives but us. So let’s live them full blast, uninhibited, wholeheartedly, and let us decide to do this every single day. I’m handing you a pen; what will you write for your life?
Amie’s 2011 Bucket List:
1. Hike the Grand Canyon
2. Get a 2nd Tattoo
3. Read 4+ Books per month (of varying genres)
4. Become Team Elite with NuSkin and help many of team do the same
5. Take my mother and sister on a Cruise
6. Scuba somewhere tropical
7. Write my 33-year-old Manifesto
8. Become debt-free
9. Visit musical/opera/concert/theatre productions monthly
10. Build a financial legacy for my mother
11. Visit Malawi, Africa on a Nourish the Children Mission with Nuskin
12. Stay in a Tree-house hotel
13. Become a moderate Spanish speaker/writer/reader
14. Sleep under the stars: Desert, Mountain, Beach
15. Watch the whales migrate in Baja (Dec)
16. Wine taste in an international region
17. Grow fruits/veggies successfully from my balcony
18. Take a trip to Thailand with my sister
19. Learn how to say 10 things in many major languages
20. Upgrade all my gadgets/technologies
21. Take a Gourmet cooking class
22. See favorite bands in concert, i.e. Aerosmith, Michael Buble, Black Eyed Peas
23. Get good at wakeboarding & wake surfing
24. Go on a shopping spree for my new size: 3/4
25. Visit Sedona on a spiritual quest
26. Complete my 2011 Endurance Race Calendar
27. Start a new wine collection/wine fridge/wine club memberships
28. Try 1 new exotic/unique food per week
29. Buy my dream BMW with cash
30. Host and entertain friends/family in my home monthly+
31. Learn how to play basic guitar
32. Live alkaline with daily use of Blendtec (green drinks) and alkaline water filter
33. Place Top 20 for the “Run For Malawi Challenge”
The other morning as I was sweeping my entryway and balcony, I decided to sweep my neighbor’s too. It was right there, took a few extra minutes, and whether she noticed or not, I felt good doing it. It made me recall an afternoon in my home office in Oxnard, California, gazing across the street and watching my neighbor struggle to mow her 12 foot strip of front lawn. The yard work could have been so easy for her if she’d just continue to mow the next-door neighbor’s adjoining strip of grass, rather than yank the heavy lawn mower around to avoid doing a good deed for someone. It actually made me laugh and shake my head a little.
The truth is, doing for others is actually doing for us. I even get an endorphin rush when I’m able to help people, I feel fulfilled and peaceful; I call it, “Giving with no strings attached.”
A few months back I read a book that impacted me in a major way, and I proceeded to tell as many people about it as I could. The book is called, “The Go Giver” and it’s a short read in the form of an allegory with deep lessons on giving. Instead of spoiling it for you, I highly suggest you read the book yourself and incorporate it into every aspect of your life. The one chapter that really hit home for me focused on how many people will give 50% and stop, thinking they’ve done their part and now expect their recipient of 50% to come with the other half. The book proposed giving 100% every time for the joy of it, and on the flipside, be genuine about receiving 100% from others as well.
There is an exercise I encourage my NuSkin team to practice, and it involves pretending that their compensation is not monetary, rather they “get paid” in smiles, laughter, and how many peoples’ lives they can change for the positive. This definitely alters our perspective on how we impact others and why we’re here on this planet.
I believe that everything is energy: money, love, emotions, etc. We’re sending out signals to everyone consciously or unconsciously, therefore we might as well come clean and be upfront with ourselves and the people we interact with. We have endless opportunities to give to family, friends, business partners, the community, Mother Earth, and strangers, whether it be a smile, hug, time, an empathetic ear, a word of encouragement, financial means, etc. We are all connected, everything is shared, and if we can look at everyone as a brother, sister, mother, father, friend, our hearts will overflow with giving.
We rob ourselves of so much happiness when we neglect to give often and joyfully. The universe is unlimited and full of abundance. What we put out, we get back; albeit this is not a motivation to give in order to receive, my question to you dear reader is: What have you got to lose?
What happens to humanity, to the planet, and to our personal lives when we’re all giving 100%?
A couple years ago I attended a Native American Sweatlodge ceremony up in the Santa Cruz Mountains of California. Over the course of 5 hours I was led through ritual chanting, praying, not to mention sweating off a few extra pounds. During this journey we invited our spiritual guides to join us in the sweatlodge, and that little wigwam was brimming over with incredible power, love and wisdom. The message I received from the guides was this: learn to become absolutely vulnerable, live life outloud with a heart wide open, therefore inspiring others to do the same through my example.
It immediately reminded me of the quote by Marianne Williamson: “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
We must be grateful for the low points in life, for it is most often then we decide to reflect upon ourselves, our purpose, and choose to make a change. I readily accepted the mission given to me in the Sweatlodge that day, and it indeed caught me in a period of transition, much like the present moment as I write this blog.
Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult to live vulnerably, to completely be ourselves without the need to defend, feel ashamed or instinctively put up barriers? We are ultimately all on the same journey; we are here to love, evolve, help others, explore what it is to be human, and to remember what it is to be divine.
Aiding my study of ‘what it is to be human’ occurs when I play with the notion of connectedness to all souls. At times I can I look at a complete stranger and think, “I am you and you are me. You are my brother/sister soul.” Sometimes I will send a burst of love and think, “I love you” in my mind sending it as a gust from my heart. It’s fun to do this with complete strangers. Some of them smile, others seem perplexed, a few whip around fast like, “What just hit me!?”
My own journey of mastering absolute vulnerability and living with my heart wide open is one of continuous practice. There are things about me that I’m not proud of, but no longer beat myself up anymore. The baggage we carry is self induced…at any moment we can decide to lay it all down. If we were all to forgive the skeletons in our closets and agree to be transparent, the world would definitely be a different place than it is now. And what does it feel like when you begin to play with an open heart? It actually does feel like a physiological opening, warm, eternal, imperturbable even. Once you get it going, it is difficult to stop, because it feels incredible.
Living in love also requires a certain level of un-learning habits and releasing the garbage we’ve accumulated over time. In my 27th year of existence I began my serious spiritual quest for truth; it felt as if I was deep underwater and swimming for the top so I could finally breathe. There wasn’t a book I couldn’t consume fast enough, a new seminar to attend or an evolved guru or mentor I wouldn’t seek guidance from. In time I realized there was an exceptional amount of knowledge I’d gathered, but I still didn’t ‘get it’. Imagine making a protein shake and filling a glass of water to the top and dumping a spoonful of protein on it. The displacement of water retains most of the powder floating at the surface. I was the protein shake, keeping all the potential wisdom in the world from mixing inside me. Alas, knowing your truth is very different than being your truth.
One of my most profound teachers of “love” is Lester Levenson, a man sent home from the hospital to die, and in his fleeing moments of life discovered the answer to everything is self-love. (Experiencing this at the core allowed him to heal fully and live a long life teaching others around the world his discovery in a way that everyone could learn and practice it.) He teaches how suffering boils down to the need for control, security or approval. We control because we feel out of control, we yearn for security because we lack the feeling of safety, and we disapprove of others and ourselves simply because we do not first give ourselves genuine approval. Another word for disapproval is non-love feelings. Eureka!
We all fall down. We are all presented with opportunities to learn from harsh lessons. The difference is in how we choose to react; are we embarrassed and hide our tough times from others and pretend everything is perfect? Do we stay down when life takes a hit, scared to get back up knowing there will be harder hits to come? Or, like a Phoenix, do we repeatedly rise from the ashes as many times as it takes, always a little bit wiser, stronger, and a more compassionate human being?
I’m reminded of a favorite book/movie quote from “A Peaceful Warrior”: A Warrior is not about perfection or victory or invulnerability. He’s about absolute vulnerability. That’s the only true courage. -Socrates
It takes courage to examine ourselves in the mirror of life, and to let go of ego and resistance. It takes courage to remove our protective shield, for if we truly love ourselves we lack nothing, and a shield is unnecessary. “Absolute vulnerability” becomes quite the oxymoron, as one realizes they can never ever be hurt, taken advantage of, or offended, if they love themselves.
I’m presently composing my 33-year-old Life Manifesto and I’m going to ruin the ending epiphany for you right now. The greatest adventure in life is to love; love yourself, love your family, love your friends and enemies, and love the world. Become a walking ball of love, and all the magic of the Universe is yours.
Love is thee greatest power, and so this Christmas give yourself, (thereby all others) the best gift ever, and love yourself.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson
While grocery shopping early one morning I observed two female shoppers collide with their carts. The exchange went like this: <First woman> “Oh I’m sorry to have gotten in your way!” <Second woman> “I first have to know where I’m going to have a way.”
I repeated that line over and over in my head as I left the store. I first have to know where I’m going to have a way.
“Ain’t that the truth?” I pondered, as I admittedly pitied the masses that traversed their entire lives on auto-pilot, unclear of where they’re headed or what they choose their existence to mean.
While unpacking my groceries at home it hit me: where was I headed now? I’d been so focused on survival the last few weeks that I hadn’t taken time to absorb the rapid and brutally abrupt changes occurring in my life. It felt like taking a bullet as I allowed myself to accept the shock.
Our lives can change in a heartbeat; blink, and they’re scarcely recognizable. Death of a loved one, divorce, financial ruin or gain, moving to a different area, sudden health or medical challenges, restarting one’s life over… the question is, do we stay paralyzed in shock, or do we acknowledge and honor unexpected change, and use it as a tool to learn and grow from?
My slate was metaphorically, (and quite literally, come to think of it!) wiped clean. I made a decision to accept and adapt vs. fight the bewildering feelings of loss, shock, and pain. Those feelings served me, and now I could decide to recreate my life in a way I’d never imagined before.
Living in my dining room is a near-life-size Terracotta Warrior statue named “Ping”. This expensive and heavy fellow was procured in Xi’an, China, and has followed me through 9 moves, 4 break-ups and 1 divorce. He serves as a reminder for how often my life changes and how fast I’ve been forced to adapt. (Transporting an awkward 80-lb. statue won’t let you forget how painful moving around can be!)
This inanimate object has a spirit of its own; the Warrior is flexible and figures out how to flow with any situation. They also strategize new plans and learn from the past, making wiser decisions moving forward. Warriors adapt their course, check their compass, and re-establish a new direction and destination.
(Gulp!) I’d made some poor turns and taken a few ill-directed paths in my life. Like a moth to a flame, I’d repeated some of those choices again and again. And now it is time to adapt and reset my life compass to a new heading.
I get Goosebumps when I visualize what my life will be like next. If we are our own ‘experiments’ in these wonderful physical human bodies, consciously and unconsciously re-inventing our lives, why not create something remarkable? Why not have fun with the vision for our life and take responsibility to be mindful?
Unlike the butterfly, our transformation happens more than once. It is an ongoing, ever-evolving process. It may be scary to emerge from the safety of our chrysalis. What will the change feel like? Will I like the ‘new me’ that surfaces? How will I adapt to my new environment? Can I not just stay in my nice warm cocoon indefinitely?
If we approach our lives as these miraculous experiments, and we are the scientist, test subject and silent observer wrapped into one, it removes some of the fear and apprehension for life’s shocking development. We can embrace it, learn from it, adapt to it… and continuously recreate the highest vision for our lives.
PING! Because life changes in the blink of an eye.
Filed under: Life
“All people and nations are neighbors. No man, or culture, is an island. We all live together on a global commons. We were all formed in the same earthen womb. We all breathe from the same earthen lung and we all sip from the same global water cycle. We’re all “in this together”. – Gene Johnson (My step-father)
I grew up in Riverside, California, and lived in a house on half an acre where my backyard was a hillside. My father was a Biologist and our home resembled a menagerie of pets, protected insects, (yes even cockroaches) and the occasional frozen rattlesnake in the freezer. As kids we were given butterfly nets instead of video game consoles, told to make up our own movies in tree houses, instead of watch them on TV, and encouraged to get dirt under our fingernails, in our hair and on our clothes, rather than maintain a spotless appearance because it meant we really “played” outdoors.
Like any 7-year-old girl I owned a Barbie doll. The difference was mine was “topless, hippie Barbie” who missed a shirt, and arm, and whose scalp was moldy because I played with her outside in the rain.
In my childhood there were a few twinges of jealousy when I watched other kids play with brand new toys, wore shiny brand name clothes and knew about all the latest happenings on TV, and Mario & Luigi’s Nintendo game moves. In retrospect, I feel I was the lucky one, for “nature is the world’s greatest toy store.”
At an early age I learned the joy of communing with Mother Nature and have been addicted to her ever since.
The movie Avatar had a profound impact on me. I was awestruck by the sacred, symbiotic relationship the Na’vi shared with their planet. They felt the connection to all things and respected them deeply. They knew no separation between themselves and the animals, birds or trees.
And like the movie, it is the greedy, self-serving humans who blindly rape and pillage our planet, slaughter our animals needlessly, and take ourselves hostage in cold and sterile environments made of steel and cement. How civil is civilization when we cannot see the connectedness of all things and respect ourselves enough to respect and love our home here? We are one with the planet, and we are all dying.
My mother must have a ‘thing’ for Biologists because she married two of them! My step-father, Gene, taught a college course that required 3 tasks of all students to pass his class: 1. Hug a tree. 2. Pee outdoors. 3. Sleep under the stars for 1 night. I’d be failing his class right now because I’m behind on two of these assignments at the moment.
The laughs from onlookers never bother me when I publicly hug trees. I think the trees appreciate it, and they have much to offer us. When I brought this up in conversation one night at a party, along with the fact I openly tell animals and plants that “I love them”, the music literally stopped to a record-scratching halt and friends looked at me like I was nuts. One gal formally announced I was out of my mind…and perhaps that is a good thing. It feels better to be out of mind and into my heart and soul connecting with what feels instinctual. I let my left-brained logic take over for too long, and it seems as if I’m going home when I return to my own body’s intuitive intelligence and peace when I work from my natural instincts.
Naively I attended a bullfight in Spain last year unknowing what exactly I’d observe in gruesome detail. Not only did I have a front row seat, I was close enough to reach my hand over the edge and touch a bull running past. When the first bull was tortured and finally slain, my body reacted by becoming extremely weak, my knees shook, I felt like I was going to throw up, tears flooded eyes and I wanted to curse the crowd for their pointless bloodlust. The same outburst in physical repulsion happened to me while watching the Oscars when the winning documentary clip was shown on the dolphins being slaughtered in Japan. It literally hurt me to witness these things. I cannot comprehend the human race at times and feel alien to this planet.
As a kid I always admired the Native American culture and their bond with nature; I wrote stories about Indians, drew pictures, and imagined I was riding bareback on horses through prairies. It was in high school when I learned the shocking revelation about the white people who exploited and killed Native Americans, took their lands and forced them onto reservations. (All throughout grade school I’d been taught about the happy first Thanksgiving between pilgrims and Indians.) The Native Americans understood that we cannot own Mother Earth, nay, we must co-exist peacefully.
My step-father recently published a profound book entitled, “Romancing the Universe” and I am a better person for reading it. With thoughtful stories he describes our intimacy with nature and relationship with the planet. We are her steward, and we are failing her. “We’ve nothing to teach Earth, she has everything to teach us. If we want to save our relationship with her, a good place to start is to learn to become a good listener.”
My favorite music selection is the sound of frogs, crickets, birds, etc. performing a symphony together, and I’m equally soothed by the earthy smells of the outdoors. I will literally get antsy if I don’t spend time communing with nature on a regular basis, and acknowledge this hard-wired longing to feel connected. Nature is my medication, and every year that passes I find myself spending more time drawing strength and insights from Mother Earth. It feels “right” to return to my roots, and sooner than later we all have the ultimate homecoming to her soil.
It is by no accident my fascination with movies and TV shows that depict what would happen if the earth reclaimed itself and humans ceased to exist. We are fragile, yet arrogant beings, and Mother Nature knows exactly what to do to heal herself.
I pay tribute to people like both my fathers who tirelessly encourage us to seek out our own relationship with nature, and to spark the awe-inspiring observation of mystery, beauty and intelligence. Romancing the universe can be risky, as all romances can be. And as we explore our own balance and kinship with the planet, my advice is to do so with a wide open heart. She has much love to give to us.
Filed under: Life
I’ll never forget a certain morning in Mazatlan, Mexico, when my father-in-law, Carlos, rounded up all the family to go to a favorite breakfast joint, and he asked for the hotel bellman’s assistance. The conversation started with Carlos telling the bellman there were 16 of us headed to “El Panama Restaurante” and we needed 4 taxis to take us there, and then he paused thoughtfully. As this exchange took place in Spanish I caught every word and nuance. Carlos apologized, shook the bellman’s hand, looked him in the eye and had a heartfelt conversation with the man asking how he was doing, how his morning was going, etc. I watched the bellman’s attitude and demeanor soar because someone made him feel important, someone made him feel truly recognized and worthwhile, definitely more than just a worker there to serve hotel guests. That wasn’t the only instance I observed Carlos treat people, especially strangers and service workers, like they were the President of the United States. I have immense respect and admiration for both sets of my parents and in-laws because they figured out this gift long ago.
We live in a self-centered world where true service, and going out of one’s way to make another person feel special, (let alone a stranger!) is a rare occasion. We exist in our bubbles focused on ourselves and at times, focused on those closest to us. We bounce from day-to-day functioning in our jobs, conquering our to-do lists, racing to spend a few free hours of quality time in front of the TV or internet. Sure we may appear friendly as we blurt out our canned, “How are you? Nice to see you,” and “Have a nice day” with less thoughtfulness than ordering toppings for our pizzas. Admittedly I’ve fallen victim of this empty interaction with humanity.
I read a chapter in a compelling little book that stopped me dead in my tracks…which is ironic because the chapter was entitled, “Dead at Midnight”. In Og Mandino’s book, A Better Way to Live he describes how he took the concept of, “live each day as if it were your last” to a new level. In this new game he challenges readers to begin treating everyone you meet–friends, family, co-workers and strangers, as if you knew a deep, dark secret about each of them. The secret: they, too, are living their last day on Earth, and will be dead by midnight! The chapter goes on to read how if we really embrace this concept, how it will change each interaction, even with an enemy, to one of consideration and kindness. Mandino illustrates this experience with a story of how he treated a random cab driver in Nashville as if it were the man’s last day to live, and through little thoughtful acts and gestures made this stranger’s day, resulting in a big hug, tears and an “I love you” at the end of an all-day cab ride.
Can you remember the last time a stranger made you feel special? If you noticed, what did it feel like when someone in the service industry went well out of their way to help you? After reading the chapter in Mandino’s book I woke up to how formulaic and vacant my interactions had been with people. I needed to shift my autopilot mode to manual and start actively participating.
The other night I watched my sister, Aarika, treat a middle-aged woman she just met with compassion and kindness, and although the gesture appeared small to any onlooker, it was huge in my eyes. Our recent move to the Ventura area was much more costly than anticipated and we were all on tight budgets. Allowing ourselves 1 drink each, my sister and I attended a ritzy club’s live music & dancing night to relax a bit. Sharing our table was a woman Aarika had just met, we learned the woman recently lost her job and was struggling to find work. She drank water as we sipped our delicious red wine. Aarika took her last $8 earmarked for an appetizer and bought the woman a glass of wine so she too could relax and enjoy the evening more. The woman beamed and it was obvious she felt special. Dead at midnight.
I believe everyone deserves to be happy. I believe everyone is important. It is not just the other person, rather I who suffers when I do not live from this truth, because there is sincere, personal fulfillment that comes from staying lovingly connected to other souls.
Let us all experiment with the, “Dead at Midnight” concept for at least one day and treat everyone we encounter with unselfish, empathetic love and kindness. And as Mandino challenges readers with his book, I challenge you: what will your future be like if you continue to treat everyone like this day after day?
Filed under: Life
This morning I sat on the Ventura boardwalk curb with my feet in the sand, journal on my lap, and watched surfers glide on baby waves in the beautiful Pacific Ocean. I needed to write, needed to cry, and desperately needed to release my pent-up anger and frustration that I’d been carrying for the last two weeks.
Fresh were the wounds of my recent move, where my professional moving company took negligent and scandalous care of our belongings by overcharging, classic bait n switch, “losing” irreplaceable memorabilia, damaging and destroying 75% of our possessions, and downright stealing certain things, one of which was our $450 Stainless Steel Sonoma BBQ Grill. The fight I would have to take to them for vindication required exhausting time and money; neither of which I had extra to donate at the moment as I got back on my feet in a new city.
I’d been robbed six times in the past at varying degrees, and every time that gut-wrenching feeling of violation is like taking a punch to the stomach. It hurts a lot and will knock the wind out of ya. As I pondered the meaning of abundance and being able to replace many of the belongings someday, the hate welled up and toppled over my eyelids in the form of tears at the feeling of helplessness. Bad people had planned to take advantage of me, and they continue doing so to others. I wanted to punish them.
At my side was a book I’d grabbed to bring with me to the beach for post-run meditation. When I had thrown it in the car with my running gear and journal, it hadn’t crossed my mind why that exact book ended up with me at the beach; it had not been a conscious decision. Now I wiped the tears from my eyes, focused on it and gasped. Sitting next to me was Viktor Frankl’s, “Man’s Search For Meaning”, a tattered and yellowing paperback copy that had altered the way I viewed life, purpose and suffering.
Frankl was a Jewish Author-Psychiatrist who endured the Nazi death camps during World War II. He watched all his possessions, including life’s work manuscript, stripped from him, and his entire family and wife, excepting his sister, perish in the camps and sent to the gas ovens. Through this life-changing account of absolute injustice, hunger and cruelty, he volunteers himself as his own experiment to examine suffering and the true meaning of existence. He boils life down to the very essence, and while not even having control of his own naked and starving body, he still is responsible for the thoughts he thinks and how he chooses to perceive life; Exist with hate, apathy and anger for the horrific misery he and his family/friends and Jewish people undergo, or find meaning in what most perceived as senseless suffering.
At that moment I started laughing on the beach, which caused nearby dosing homeless guys to pick up their heads and give me a half glance. I couldn’t have scripted better irony than this! Here I was, a blessed woman in my prime, my brand new house minutes from beautiful beaches and living a charmed life; I was crying over my lost barbeque when courageous people like Viktor Frankl had endured such suffering! As I gazed at his face on the book I could hear his words to me, “Let it go, Amie,” and I agreed with him.
One of my favorite spiritual leaders is Lester Levenson, and he said, “Peace is non resistance, complete acceptance, identification with the all, with everyone, everything.” I had been resisting like a crazy woman and hurting myself in the meanwhile, and what came with it was more negativity, tension and bad news. We all know what you resist persists…and I was so ready to live in peace.
Was it possible I set up this lesson for myself so I could learn to let go, release, and not be attached to anything? My beliefs take me down the road of reincarnation and pre-ordaining (not pre-destination, as free will is sacred) opportunities and signs along the way in life to evolve as a human being through the contrast of good and bad experiences. If so, ouch! My soul must be a little dense learning and re-learning through remedial courses this time around…
Buddha says, “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.” My un-checked emotions had taken me over and I lost awareness of how it affected everything I was doing and being.
It caused me to contemplate the last 24 months of my whirlwind life, and as I did so I realized I had already let go of so many things: unhealthy friendships, poor business relationships, two companies of which I poured my lifeblood into, a network that took me 10 years to build, credit/cash, and family members who passed away. Letting go = freedom. Attachments and aversions = pain. What do I want to feel? Like Frankl learned in the Nazi concentration camps… your mind is the only place you can find freedom, it is not in our external situations.
“Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” – Viktor Frankl
With the sun on my face and healing seabreeze in the air, every wave the surfers caught and rode, a little more of my anger was released with each and went out with the tide. I choose to be free.
