While grocery shopping early one morning I observed two female shoppers collide with their carts. The exchange went like this: <First woman> “Oh I’m sorry to have gotten in your way!” <Second woman> “I first have to know where I’m going to have a way.”
I repeated that line over and over in my head as I left the store. I first have to know where I’m going to have a way.
“Ain’t that the truth?” I pondered, as I admittedly pitied the masses that traversed their entire lives on auto-pilot, unclear of where they’re headed or what they choose their existence to mean.
While unpacking my groceries at home it hit me: where was I headed now? I’d been so focused on survival the last few weeks that I hadn’t taken time to absorb the rapid and brutally abrupt changes occurring in my life. It felt like taking a bullet as I allowed myself to accept the shock.
Our lives can change in a heartbeat; blink, and they’re scarcely recognizable. Death of a loved one, divorce, financial ruin or gain, moving to a different area, sudden health or medical challenges, restarting one’s life over… the question is, do we stay paralyzed in shock, or do we acknowledge and honor unexpected change, and use it as a tool to learn and grow from?
My slate was metaphorically, (and quite literally, come to think of it!) wiped clean. I made a decision to accept and adapt vs. fight the bewildering feelings of loss, shock, and pain. Those feelings served me, and now I could decide to recreate my life in a way I’d never imagined before.
Living in my dining room is a near-life-size Terracotta Warrior statue named “Ping”. This expensive and heavy fellow was procured in Xi’an, China, and has followed me through 9 moves, 4 break-ups and 1 divorce. He serves as a reminder for how often my life changes and how fast I’ve been forced to adapt. (Transporting an awkward 80-lb. statue won’t let you forget how painful moving around can be!)
This inanimate object has a spirit of its own; the Warrior is flexible and figures out how to flow with any situation. They also strategize new plans and learn from the past, making wiser decisions moving forward. Warriors adapt their course, check their compass, and re-establish a new direction and destination.
(Gulp!) I’d made some poor turns and taken a few ill-directed paths in my life. Like a moth to a flame, I’d repeated some of those choices again and again. And now it is time to adapt and reset my life compass to a new heading.
I get Goosebumps when I visualize what my life will be like next. If we are our own ‘experiments’ in these wonderful physical human bodies, consciously and unconsciously re-inventing our lives, why not create something remarkable? Why not have fun with the vision for our life and take responsibility to be mindful?
Unlike the butterfly, our transformation happens more than once. It is an ongoing, ever-evolving process. It may be scary to emerge from the safety of our chrysalis. What will the change feel like? Will I like the ‘new me’ that surfaces? How will I adapt to my new environment? Can I not just stay in my nice warm cocoon indefinitely?
If we approach our lives as these miraculous experiments, and we are the scientist, test subject and silent observer wrapped into one, it removes some of the fear and apprehension for life’s shocking development. We can embrace it, learn from it, adapt to it… and continuously recreate the highest vision for our lives.
PING! Because life changes in the blink of an eye.
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I often wonder what the caterpillar is thinking in the cocoon about its transformation, must be scared and uncomfortable, then to be sitting on the edge with new formed wings and no idea how to use them. Caterpillar fears in a butterfly body. On a more complex level I think our spirits have those powers but our bodies have the fear, and uncertainty about what we are supposed to do next, how to do it and even if we can. Yet not only can we, we are supposed to, it is our destiny as the butterfly life is the destiny of the caterpillar, like it or not. So at a certain point we must jump, and pray like hell these weird beautiful thoughts and dreams can fly. And even when they do, they are not “smooth” and assured, they are herky jerky flights of a butterfly who only recently figured out how to fly, and really is still a caterpillar at heart in many ways, taking a new leap of faith with every flight.
Comment by Chris Salter November 25, 2010 @ 6:14 pmAll I can tell you Amie is that from here, you look like a magnificent butterfly who can fly wherever she wants, and enjoy all the flowers you want. We will be watching, if only to learn how to fly too, with our uncertain wings, newly formed every morning.
I am thankful for your courage it gives me comfort to know I am not alone, and my dreams are not some freak of nature but what I was born to have and use. Happy Thanksgiving!
Beautiful. Love the synergies with ‘Ping’ the warrior and our company name, which we both didn’t even realize until YOU mentioned this the other night. Absolutely love your ability to be a warrior for Love and the Courage it takes to start a fresh and FOLLOW your Guidance, regardless of what others might say. YOU are such an incredible BEING of LIGHT and I am honored to have YOU in my reflection. Looking forward to having YOU develop the new home and co-create a place for Ping that will be full of love, life and miracles.
Comment by Stephanie December 26, 2010 @ 5:07 am